Adjustments and Understanding

It’s been long time and today I got time, finally. And what great place to be in!! It’s the hurricane city, New Orleans. New Orleans is a proud city that resurrected itself through hard work after the devastating hurricane Katrina. The city is also house of the New Orleans Saints, National Football Champions, 2010. As I walked down the lanes alone, around the French quarter with lot of old architecture, good people, tasting amazing food (tried shrimp and blackened gator!!!), the best coffee’s that I have had in months, and not to forget the ice cream. An exciting place. But the room I am in, not a place I would like to come again. The Federal court room, New Orleans, Louisiana. The project that I am currently working on has brought me in here. The place is cold, freezing cold. Four judges, eight attorneys, fifteen to twenty psychiatrists, and my professor. As of now, everyone’s having their arguments on what I presented. But my job is done for today!!!! As I find no interest in the discussion going on, it’s the best time to write.

I have been working on this project for the past couple of months and it has been a great learning experience. The team includes professors from LSU, attorneys, and psychiatrists. It is a state government project and there is no particular team leader to determine the goal of the project. Every set of team members have a different set of results that they want to see in the project. The attorneys want to use this project as a tool in the court room for defense, while a set of psychiatrist wants to know about the efficiency of the treatment provided by them. Another set of psychiatrists want to know about the capacity issues in the hospital and how it can be resolved. Although everyone started working towards one common goal, it was not the case as everyone came together on table. The way each and every one wanted the project results included their individual interests. It has been a tough job so far and will be, understanding everyone’s need and getting it done. First thoughts were that I understood everyone’s needs perfectly, which was not the case. Then everyone’s interests were taken into account and changes were made, increasing the cost of the project.

In professional world, as the needs and goal change, adjustments are made on the basis of time and money. Changes are put on table and questions are raised. Every need has to be answered as money is spent for every requirement. There are no adjustments and understandings in professional world. Everything is time and money. You got money, I got results!! Although I have been learning a lot about leadership, professional experience, and many more, the one thing I am thinking about is life outside. What about life that’s outside business and money?? How do things work out in personal life??

Looking back at people whom I got to know so far, it has been an interesting time. I assume that I got to know few of them really well and few of them a little bit. Although I am not sure of my assumptions, I am not here to talk about others. I am thinking about my way of understanding others. I can never say that I understood anyone really well, because I find it hard to understand myself at various situations. The way that I react are so different (Thank god, everyone has adjusted with me so far!!). The reactions never stay the same and I find it interesting when thinking about it. As Sheldon Kopp said “Nothing about ourselves can be changed until it is first accepted”, I have got used to my reactions and the way my mind acts. Although it acts crazy sometimes, I guess it’s been fine with me! I am not sure if I have accepted myself, but I don’t doubt my own understandings. I stay positive and believe myself.

But life isn’t about living alone; it’s about sharing it with others and the best part – one person is not same as the next person. Everyone have their own set of wishes, dreams, and goals like the business world and act accordingly. Who doesn’t???? Everyone tries to live their own dreams and I am also trying my best to live mine. With all these constraints involved, there is also a need of understanding other people and it’s never easy. To even understand a little bit, it takes a lot of time and no one is same at all times. When crisis occurs, they are not the same person. Words and actions are not the usual self. The actions and words look different, but adjusting is the best way to understand. ADJUSTING is not an act, but a way of understanding the other person. It’s a way of showing how much you have understood the other person. With proper understanding comes adjustments and there is no money for understanding, like in the business world. You get something else… It’s much more precious!!!

Naren.

Reality

Reality - Am I the only one running away from it??? I don't have an answer.  

It's not the time to be awake but sleep seems to be eluding me for some reasons. Lot of thoughts cramped up having no way to flow out. So trying to see if some scribbling can help me out!!!.

A recent phone call from one of my friend made me think about few things that I try so hard to forget or even to remember. I need to say that he is not just a friend, but my best friend who is capable of making me smile, cry or even think. He asked me the question, indirectly.

Reality - A thing that exist. Not an illusion or fear. It cannot be erased. Reality can be happiness or sadness. If happiness, I guess its not a problem. It can be dealt easily. But, how about sadness????

I have tried hard to forget as reality disturbs my day to day activities. I sometimes even try harder not to accept the reality. But it is what it is. I also know that I am not being held responsible for everything that happen to people around me. But it’s not that simple to keep it aside when that person holds a special place in my heart. It Hurts. As tears roll, I am so SORRY that I am not around when needed the most. SORRY. Not able to do anything other than being sorry, seems to be like running away from the hard truth. I don't have an answer to the person. I don't have an option either. As of now.

Moving on, Accepting reality could be the best way to deal with it.  Easier said than done. Other than accepting it, there is no other way. Mistakes made are decisions that went wrong. It cannot be regretted. Even if regretted, cannot be altered. 

The best possible solution could be to remember the decisions that were made earlier and not the faults that followed. I am even trying to remember the decisions that were not made by me, still affecting me. Since life is all about learning, these hard realities are lessons for me to remember. So that at least when the time comes, I could see to that the person whom I hold close doesn't suffer from the decision's that I make.

Few decisions are made to go wrong. But taking the same stupid decisions is not the way to live. That's what reality teaches.

Not sure of where I started and where I ended....But I am still trying hard to accept the reality as it unfolds right in front of me as the days pass by.

Naren.

Trust, an answer!

Trust. A lot of things are build over this. Things??? Hmmmm...Not the best of words to use. I would put in....Friendship, relationships, love, respect, confidence, and many more. Removing trust from all these makes Life empty. There is no Life without trust. Trust get's you happiness. There's no Life without happiness.

Trust. A very powerful word, which can make changes to life. It's also a very small word, actually. But, where does it come from??? Its comes from you. It's yourself. It's your image and it never leaves you. Its the words that you speak. Its your actions. It's your own reflection. It's YOU. A memory of  YOU, inside the other person's heart.

The person.....Dad, mom, brother, sister, friends, GF/BF, wife/husband, kids, neighbors, professors or a even person whom you might just talk for a day or two and never meet them. It could be anyone. But trust comes with time. It takes time to construct an image inside the heart. And time could be minutes, hours, days, months, years or maybe even just few seconds. It depends. Along with time, words and actions build the image. But if the words and actions are just lies, the image crashes like glass. Never can it be fixed. Even when fixed, it doesn't not look the same. And the crashing hurts the heart. A very fragile one.

When Trust is build on Truth, it gets everything to you. It gives you confidence and self-belief. It makes you happy. It gets you great people around you. But the question is, are they worth your  belief, trust and truthfulness?? Time is the answer. When situation's present them-self, actions and words speak. That's the answer to the image inside the heart. It might become a solid statue or a broken vase. Depends.

At the same time, being yourself will never be the same with everyone. Its the comfort level that comes along with the other person, words and action. It is different with parents, friends, BF/GF, husband/wife, etc, etc. As the comfort level increases with trust, the level of being yourself with the other person goes to the next level. It does not mean that you are being different. Its just that, as trust increases, you show your whole image.

Trust: Truth and Lies. Separating them is not easy. Words and actions can be manipulated.

The above mentioned lines are my idea of Trust. Just my idea. Everyone will have their own.  Pass on your's. Would love to understand more about it.

But, how about being true. Being yourself. Is that so tough? I cannot answer it for anyone. But, not for me. That's what I think. I might be wrong. But not so far. I have a great family and a great set of friends. With my dad, mom and bro it has never been a problem sharing things. Its the easiest thing to do. Its the comfort level that has come with trust. I know that they believe my words and actions. Its the trust they have on me and I have on them, which has come with truth. Also, there has been little lies here and there. I have hid few things. I still hide few things. But, it will be out soon. They have been for me still now, and they will be for me, Forever.

Next, Friends. Trust plays an important role in friendship. It grows with truth and time. Its about sharing memories. There are lot of secret's which friend's don't share. That's fine. Its their own "personal" Life. But, if they are them-self's with you, there nothing much better than that. 

On that note, I am extremely happy to have a great set of friends around me. From school, under-grad, and Grad. As far as I know, they have been them-self. Through all the ups and down. Together. From high school, till now. Fun. Laugh. Grief.  Many more. Will have them thru my life. I guess so. If I can be myself with them.

I found that being myself, had few advantages. An incident in undergrad. She was a good friend of mine. I thought she was being herself with me. At the end, I felt a little disappointed. Not heart broken or something!  lol :) I was myself. But not her. When I think about it, she was not herself. She just needed some help, and used mine. OK. I am happy at-least, that I was myself. I cannot ask more. A little pain, that I trusted a wrong person. But, I never felt that I broke the trust she had on me. I am happy for that!!!

As far as my learning goes, the best thing to do is.....being true to yourself and not casting a false shadow around yourself. Its gona hurt. Not the other person. lol!!!! Its the person with shadow and lies!!!

I am not perfect. Never. Never can be. But I try to be myself with everyone. It's tough sometimes. I try my best at heart, to love everyone. I know that by trusting everyone, I might get hurt one day or the other. At-least, I will be happy that I tried my best to be myself with them. If they don't see it, I will be sorry that I lost a friend.

Naren.

Responsibility

Responsibility...OMG...man.....Its a tough job......Taking that one step ahead is a pain...And being responsible, it begins at home... And my home....oops....It’s my DAD....I just can’t take him..lol!! He been behind me since the starting of under-graduation..maybe even before that..My memories are bit short. Sorry about that!! There have been many incidents and lots and lots of advices relating to that... And I have great memories of those...Expensive ones... 

 

One of them....It was the start of under-graduation and Tata Indica was the first of my dad's car that I drove around... I would turn up late night and leave the car windows ajar...A bad habit....My dad would be patient in letting me know that it’s wrong. I eventually paid the price. The music player went missing. Still, he was patient asking me to be a bit more careful and responsible. He never said a no to take the car out even after that incident. did i become responsible?? Na....not so soon....But, he used to talk with me a lot...very patiently....Those talks on the  terrace, sharing old memories, his own life, the lives of other people ( relatives and friends), what's the price you might need to pay being irresponsible..Still lingers in my mind. But responsibilities never came free of cost to me. It came with a price tag.

Next one!! A drunk guy in the middle an intersection. Tata Indica (poor old car...I don’t know how many hits it took..And FYI, My dad was an expensive driver too..its blood related disease I guess). BOOM. He went flying in the middle of the road. One day ICU (not me!!). Cops. Managed things somewhat without any complaints. Dad's help. Did I slow down after that? na..

NEXT. Under-graduation final year...Honda City. My dad's next car. Intersection. Two guys in a bike. Very furious. Crash. Went flying, fast. Cops. Dad. No complaints. Thank God. But these were things that happened on roads.

At home, those times were the toughest times. Not for me. For my dad and mom. She was scared to death. Dad had to put his head down in front of the cops. For me. It made me think. A little. At least for a week. Not more than that. Still he never said "u r not driving anymore, naren” or something stupid like that. He knew that few things cannot be taught. Time and experience are the best ways to learn. He gave me that time. These car incidents were not the only things. Many more. Every day I might miss something important. An important phone call. A reminder. Keep the keys inside the house and lock the door from outside. Being messy. Leaving my bed undone. Many more. But answers to these have been only talks with my parents. 

Did I learn? Not much. But, I was not bad or irresponsible. I was missing something. Time was running and mid of 2008 was upon me. Was getting ready for my first masters and my last(mind it!!), which meant no more talks. No more terrace discussions with mom and dad. So what does that mean??? It made think for the first time. But guess what...Time was not on my side. My flight took off...Very fast...My first flight... I was excited. After landing it was just me. All alone. 

Every step was mine and every word was my very own. I learnt something immediately. It was not about being organized in life or keeping things at place.Because nothing goes according to plan (anyway I don't plan much either!!). It was all about keeping to the words I spoke and not blaming others for my decisions. I guess this is what I learnt from my dad during all the talks. "You are responsible for your own decisions and mistakes". I had learnt the need of patience during those discussions a necessity for decision making. Those talks taught me so many things.     

But looking back, did everyone learn what responsibility is after so much damage and pain that my parents went through??? (FYI, my dad could have got another brand new car with the money he paid on the crashes and my mom had many sleepless nights). Also, does ever one need to be away from parents or do masters or something else?? But that has been my scenario so far. I sense it might be termed as "Turning Point". Ever one will have a turning point. A job, marriage, commitment to someone special, etc etc...So many reasons... Mine could be my masters. 

But getting to that point, where taking the blame on myself for my decisions was made easy by my Dad and Mom. It was all because of those talks and the ideas that were shared on that terrace. The freedom that was offered by my dad was extraordinary in some aspects.

Still one unanswered question. Does everyone learn it this way?? I am not sure. I guess not. Or was it his mistake to let me learn thing in this way. I gave it a thought. I was all confused. I talked with him two days back. I asked him the question. He said "you will learn it in near future!!!”

Eventually, I got to know that I am responsible for my decision's and its consequences. I need to stand by my decision and work hard for it. There might be rewards and penalties. At the end of the day, I will be happy to receive it with open arms. Its my life and I got to mend it. There is happiness in it for me!!!

Moving on to the next.......There not much of my dad or mom in it...Thank God!!! But, I need to stop right now. It’s late and dark. Wishing everyone a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Naren.

Happyness!!!

Happiness... Is life all about happiness??? It might be a tough question. My answer is always a YES..A simple yes. But, that's me and its my own perception.  My very own.

There's happiness in everything. Dinner's, family, friends, outings, movies, etc, etc...But these are very small x and z components of the life equation. There is something immense out there. Challenging. Those could be responsibility, love, friendship, honesty, dreams, promises, adjustability, adaptability, understanding, hopes, courage, manners, and many more. I have a long finding in front of me and  I am just too young to explore every thing...lol.. So let the times roll by!!!!!.

Naren.